If the BNP were in power, who could play for England?

Here’s a frightening thought. It’s the World Cup Final in 2030. England enter the arena flanked by their Brazilian opponents. But there’s something wrong with the Brazilians. While the English chat and exchange nervous laughter, the South Americans are, well, robotic. That’s because the people behind this idea have finally got their way.

Franck Ribery looks likely to miss the World Cup play off matches against the Republic of Ireland, according to ESPN. Something about knees and tendinitis. Ouch.

“A group of German soccer stars traipsing around Pretoria in bulletproof vests with armed bodyguards swirling around them like barmaids at a beer fest.” As usual, the story about German players wearing bullet-proof vests owes more to enterprising journalism than any actual facts.

And as the BNP prepares to take its bow on the BBC’s Question Time, this article ponders exactly who Fabio Capello could take to South Africa next year if the policy of repatriating “anyone whose ancestors do not come from the earliest settlers here after the last great Ice Age, as complemented by the historic migrations from mainland Europe (the BNP's definition of indigenous Britons)” was ever enforced.