England – Ukraine internet game “could explode kettles”

Wayne Rooney wouldn’t be too disappointed if Christiano Ronaldo and Portugal failed to make the World Cup finals. Now why would that be?

Russia launches its 2018 World Cup bid by admitting it needs twelve new stadiums. That doesn’t mean anyone with the facilities already in place has a head start, says FIFA’s Jack Warner, “and that won’t change until I get my goodie bag.”

While Japan’s coach is none too pleased about the quality of Scotland’s squad for tomorrow’s friendly, he admits they are still stronger than Hong Kong. Talk about damned by faint praise.

Finally, a report out this afternoon says the power surge caused by 47,652 people simultaneously reaching for a comforting cuppa after failing to successfully stream England’s internet game experiment on Saturday evening could see “kitchen appliances, including kettles, explode right in their stupid faces.”

Obviously this isn’t true, but if you were dumb enough to stump your hard earned cash I have absolutely no sympathy for you if said kettle accident actually happens.

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