Reflections on Spain’s victory over Holland

So it wasn’t the classic we hoped for. Personally, I was enthralled from the first minute.

Sure, some of the Dutch tackles wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Bruce Lee epic, and how the red card stayed in Howard Webb’s pocket until the last minutes of extra time is a mystery. Still, there were lots of chances at either end.

Ramos and Robben could easily have put the game beyond doubt, the latter being especially profligate and even refusing to fall over after one tackle, an incident which had seasoned Robben watchers scratching their heads.

With players still flying into full-blooded tackles, plenty of late counter-attacking, two goalkeepers in fine form, and no sign of a breakthrough, the awful prospect of a penalty shoot-out loomed.

Then Iniesta controlled a ball into the box and blasted a right foot shot past the despairing dive of Stekelenburg.

So a game dominated by Spain’s passing game and Dutch attempts to impose themselves on the Spanish midfield ended with a late goal. Cue lots of moaning about how Holland betrayed their traditions – stop it, this isn’t 1974 and nobody suddenly expected this Dutch team to start playing total voetbal.

And let’s be honest, the Spanish weren’t brilliant last night or throughout the tournament; they just have cleverer, more resourceful footballers who know the value of possession and can strike with deadly accuracy when necessary.

The best team won in what will probably go down in the history books as a poor final. Get over it; the World Cup hasn’t seen a genuine edge-of-your-seat classic final since Argentina beat West Germany 3 – 2 in 1986. Now we have four years to wait and see if Brazil 2014 breaks the mould.

Cheers

Mike

It’s time to retire the World Cup octopus

Some notions offend my rational enlightenment outlook: the Jeremy Kyle Show, which resembles a medieval witch court complete with toothless cackling crones intent on revenge or hatred or whatever motivated them to get out of bed that day; celebrity culture and the seemingly endless parade of nonentities who are famous for one thing – being famous; the idea that an Old Etonian can run a 21st century country; the list is, as the saying goes, a tirade against everything I despise.

But for me the most offensive anti-rational anti-enlightenment notion doing the rounds at the moment is the one which says an octopus can successfully predict the outcome of football matches.

As you may have heard, Paul the Octopus has successfully predicted the outcome of every Germany game at World Cup 2010.

He also successfully predicted the outcome of 80% of Germany’s games during Euro 2008.

Now you may think this is an amazing feat for an animal which lives at the Oberhausen Sea life Aquarium. Keep away from me if you do. This is an animal picking one of two boxes, both of which have food in them. There is no rational choice other than what the vibrations in the box mean to Paul. He’s hungry. End of story.

But no; some incredulous nutters take the notion that an octopus can predict the outcome of football matches very seriously.

There can of course be only one rational explanation: Paul’s Oberhausen handlers are in league with the German team. They build the Germans up as the tournament progresses, throw in the occasional shock such as losing to Serbia, and then put the pressure on the opposition by claiming Paul has backed them (he picked the jar with the Spanish flag on it).

Meanwhile, Germany’s players fall over themselves to let everyone know how good the Spanish are, how del Bosque’s team is the best in the world etcetc, all the time raising Spanish expectations and dampening their own before another unexpected victory tonight.

Paul the Octopus and the German team – together they make a powerful combination of tentacles and mind games.

Please can we retire him once the full extent of this charade is revealed tonight? Then Paul can do post-match interviews where he tells all about the complex food choosing strategy which fooled the Spanish before slipping back under the water in search of mussels.

Germany v Spain prediction: Germany WIN

The World Cup Bafana Bafana 2010 prediction success rate after Holland v Uruguay: 31/61

Gallows humour after Germany World Cup defeat

Good to see the English have reacted to the latest World Cup defeat in time-honoured fashion – by making fun of ourselves and the team. In a hundred years time, historians assessing the period will conclude that whatever the indignity, however painful the suffering, the English just don’t do revolutions. We find comedy much more useful. It only takes a few minutes to think up a joke and, unlike revolutions or civil disorder, humour is relatively painless. Unless, that is, you’re on the receiving end of stories such as:

“Police are asking for witnesses tonight after an elderly black man had several shots fired at him from close range and was left badly shaken”.

“Several Germans were thought to be responsible and the victim, a Mr David James of Portsmouth, was taken to hospital with mild shock”.

“It is also alleged that at the time of the shootings ten bystanders looked on and did nothing to help Mr James”.

Or...

The England team went out to visit an orphanage on Saturday morning. “It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible”, said Jamal Umboto, aged 6.

Or...

Video technology confirms England are very bad at football

And so to today’s final last 16 matches...

Paraguay v Japan (3pm)

Paraguay will definitely win this. Or Japan will. It’s 50/50. WIN for Japan.

Spain v Portugal (7.30pm)

Potentially one of the stand out matches of the tournament so far, which probably means it’ll be less exciting than Swiss Railway Journeys on Sky. Prove me wrong, you Iberian dandies. WIN for Spain.

The World Cup Bafana Bafana 2010 prediction success rate after yesterday’s games: 26/54

Reflections on Germany 4 England 1

So England are out, once again at the hands of Germany. What went wrong?

The first half could be broken up into two contrasting periods - the first 35 minutes and the remainder of the half.

The opening half hour or so reminded me of the 2005 Champions League final in Istanbul. Germany ripped into England much as AC Milan tore through Liverpool on that famous night. Only profligacy and luck kept the German tally down to two goals. England were disjointed and ill at ease. Nothing seemed to go right for them.

Then Upson scores with a header. Suddenly the Germans are on the back foot. Within a minute Lampard’s looping shot from the edge of the box has clearly bounced over the line. I am out of my chair. It is 2 – 2 after an amazing turnaround.

The only problem was neither the ref nor the linesman knew what I and the players and millions watching around the world could see, so they waved play on and Germany survived to see the first half out.

The case for video replay technology has never been made more eloquently.

In the second half Germany were content to let England come at them. Lampard was desperately unlucky again when his long range free kick clattered off the bar with the keeper well beaten.

It would be England’s last meaningful chance as first Schweinsteiger and then Ozil set up Muller for two devastating strikes on the break.

Gerrard went close late on, and Heskey and Cole replaced Defoe and Milner, but the contest had effectively ended once Germany chose to unleash their counter-attacking forces.

England’s defence, and the men who were supposed to be shielding them, couldn’t cope with the lightning thrusts orchestrated by Schweinsteiger, Ozil and Klose.

It would be easy and comforting to claim the perfectly valid disallowed goal by Lampard cost England the game.

The truth is far more alarming – all too often, Germany’s movement and awareness tore a fragile defence to shreds.

A more effective front two backed up by a confident midfield might at least have given the Germans something to think about.

Sadly, Rooney and Defoe had little to offer, and the midfield quartet of Lampard, Gerrard, Barry and Milner lacked sufficient drive and imagination to threaten Germany’s defence.

Without meaning to take anything away from an excellent young German side which on this evidence could go on to win the tournament, this was a poor England performance.

English football will now doubtless enter another period of soul-searching before the qualifying campaign for the next European Championships begins. How many of this current squad will still be around for Euro 2012 remains to be seen.

England World Cup 2010 special: looking ahead to Germany game

At last, a World Cup 2010 finals performance to be proud of: lots of chances, dynamic forward play, excellent defending, so many positives. England have given themselves a platform but sterner tasks now lie ahead.

And of course it had to be Germany, didn’t it? The old enemy, beaten in 1966 and then triumphant against us in subsequent World Cup matches (1970 and 1990).

Already you can hear the echoes of past defeats – the Germans are a knock out team, they’ll probably take us to penalties again etc etc.

Isn’t it about time we went into a game against Germany thinking more about whether we can win rather than the inevitability of defeat? England may as well go home now if they choose the latter course.

Yes, they are good; Oezil in particular is a major threat, and in Khedira they have unearthed a youthful successor to Michael Ballack. But Lahm aside, is the defence really that sound?

It’s all set up for a gripping Sunday afternoon. I personally can’t wait.

Who will join England in the last 16?

World Cup predictions for today’s final Group E and Group F games featuring Holland, Italy and Denmark

Slovakia v Italy (Johannesburg) 3pm

Prediction: DRAW

Paraguay v New Zealand (Polokwane) 3pm

Prediction: Paraguay WIN

Denmark v Japan (Rustenburg) 7.30pm

Prediction: Denmark WIN

Cameroon v Netherlands (Cape Town) 7.30pm

Prediction: DRAW

The World Cup Bafana Bafana 2010 prediction success rate after yesterday’s games: 20/40 (50%)

England on hunt for another World Cup hero with 21 on his shirt

The consensus at the moment seems to be that Aston Villa’s Emile Heskey will partner Wayne Rooney in attack against the US.

Intriguingly, Heskey will have the number 21 on his back. Another famous forward once wore the very same number for England during our one and, so far, only successful tournament.

Can Emile Heskey do a Roger Hunt and secure a special place in English football history for himself?

Back in 1966 Roger Hunt had just completed one of his most successful seasons. Liverpool were league championship winners for the second time under Bill Shankly. Hunt’s contribution of 30 goals in 37 appearances made the 28-year-old the club’s highest scorer for the eighth successive campaign.

Such was Hunt’s standing that he became only one of three strikers chosen by Alf Ramsey for the 1966 World Cup squad. The others were Jimmy Greaves and Geoff Hurst.

Hunt kept his place in the first XI throughout the tournament, playing all six games and scoring three goals in the group stage (one against Mexico and two against France).

And so to the final itself and Hurst’s still controversial second goal. One player instinctively raises his arm in celebration as the shot bounces down and away from the goal, his body language and demeanour suggesting he immediately believed the strike had crossed the line.

Hunt was a predator, who would eventually amass nearly 300 goals for Liverpool and score 18 in 34 games for England. To this day Hurst maintains Hunt would have followed up were he in any doubt about the ball crossing the line.

From the free-scoring Liverpool forward to the non-scoring Villa man.

Let’s get something out of the way. I like Emile Heskey. I admire his ability to distract defenders and bring faster players into the game, a trait he shares with Hunt.

If you doubt this, watch Heskey pull defenders out of position, much as Hunt does for Bobby Charlton’s long range strike against Mexico.

Sadly Heskey hasn’t had the best of seasons, scoring only five goals in 42 appearances. Looking back even further, he scored a mere 27 goals in the last six seasons, three less than Hunt scored in 1966 alone.

Heskey is also 32 now, four years older than Hunt in 1966, and clearly past his peak, which Hunt was not.

All of this suggests we may not have a hero in waiting with the number 21 on his back this time around.

That said, if England reach the final and a Rooney shot cannons off the bar onto the line before bouncing, a lurking Heskey will probably put the rebound away.

Perhaps this is Capello’s masterplan – Heskey as the ultimate impact player. It’s the best theory I have to explain why Heskey is still in the squad.

The word from South Africa as World Cup 2010 is almost here

My South African collaborator and friend has very kindly sent over some final words before Friday’s opening game. Here’s what Karen Lotter had to say...

“Vuvuzelas, mirror socks, flags all over the place and soccer jerseys on every second person – South Africa is so ready for the 2010 World Cup.

“Most of the teams are here and they seem to be happy with their accommodation. The fans are pouring in. We sent a bunch of football hooligans back to Argentina yesterday – they were on the watch list and thought they could sneak in.

“The South African National team is looking as good as we can hope for – the 1-0 win over Denmark made us realise that Bafana Bafana has a good chance of reaching the second round.

“This wasn’t the case six months ago after Joel Santana had been coaching them. The boys were terrible. Carlos Alberto Parreira stepped into the breach and he has worked wonders, making the boys believe in themselves.

“So what suggestions can I give those going to the Soccer Matches?

• Use public transport or get a friend or cab to drop you as close as you can

• Prepare to walk quite a way. The security is quite efficient, well here in Durban it is, so one doesn’t hang around, it goes quite quickly once you get to the first gate

• No bottles will be allowed in, not even plastic water bottles

• Take a hat/cap and sunscreen – even in winter the sun can be hot

• Always take a jacket or sweater

• If the vuvuzelas really worry you, buy earplugs

• Cash in smaller denominations R20, R50 or R100 is easier at the food and drink stands

Mike, I hope all your readers enjoy the 2010 World Cup South Africa. I know you guys can watch it on HD on Sky – I can’t wait for Friday. I hear the opening ceremony is going to be awesome, so tune in from 2 pm our time".

Visit Karen and her friends now at http://www.vuvuzelasouthafrica.co.za/

(Here’s the blog post Karen put up on her excellent site today)

England ready for World Cup

Hi Karen

It's the final week before the World Cup starts and I have to admit the mood in England isn't quite what I expected. Let me explain.

Here in England we have a history of approaching World Cups with levels of hysteria and hype not seen since the days of Roman bacchanalia.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we all have a drunken mass orgy; the Daily Mail would have a fit. It's just that we tend to get a bit over-excited.

As a result the UK papers are usually packed to the rafters with hyperbolic statements proclaiming 'this is our year' and so on. For some reason this has yet to happen.

Some of the credit must go to Coach Fabio Capello. He laid down the law on expectations last year. 'Keep them modest and plan to win without shouting too much' seemed to be his strategy.

So far it is working, although the mood may change depending on what happens in the group games against the US, Algeria and Slovenia.

A lot will also depend on how the team copes with the loss of Rio Ferdinand. Opinion is, not surprisingly, divided on the possible impact of the defender's injury. Some say he will be badly missed, others that he was an accident waiting to happen, a weak link.

I'm in the latter camp. Ferdinand has hardly played all season and often struggled to play more than three games before breaking down again. Better that it happened now, rather than in a game.

Besides, his replacement as captain is Steven Gerrard. While the Liverpool midfielder didn't have the best of seasons, and the days when he could inspire famous victories such as the Istanbul Champions League Final in 2005 may be behind him, Gerrard's drive and determination still can turn games.

Gerrard also has an excellent on and off field relationship with Wayne Rooney, England's talismanic striker. Much will depend on how they link up; as striker and midfielder, or as striker supported by Gerrard playing in the hole between the opposition's defence and midfield.

The England squad has plenty of other strong players too; from the Chelsea contingent of Lampard, Terry and the two Coles (Ashley and Joe), to striker Peter Crouch, midfielder James Milner, and winger Aaron Lennon. Don't count us out because one player is injured.

That's the picture from here as we count down towards Friday. Confident but not arrogant, relaxed but not complacent. Let's see if I can say the same after the England - US game in Rustenberg on June 12th.

Best of luck to Bafana Bafana and everyone at Vuvuzela South Africa.

Mike

England - Platinum Stars friendly preview

Today the eleven England players likely to star against the US in Rustenberg next Saturday will take on a South Africa league side. Let’s have a quick look at the build up to the game against the Platinum Stars in the UK press.

"We need to give a competitive match," said assistant manager Vilakazi in The Telegraph.

"We are not going to go there and not play. We know they have a game four days later in the World Cup but we have to give them some competition and we've been told to do that.

"We must not just let them walk over us. I'm sure they have not played many African teams before so we have to push it a little.

"It's to help them prepare and we will give them some stiff competition. But we will try not to injure anybody."

Defender Mbulelo Mabizela is scheduled to mark Rooney and “will give him a good game” according to Vilakazi.

"We don't really stand a chance," said Mabizela. "But we will not go easy on them. It's a proper game for us. We will get stuck in, believe me. The crowd, the people who come to the ground, will expect a game."

The Independent has additional comments from Mabizela: “The way we are taking the game means it will be tough. We have just finished a close-season break so really we don't stand a chance. But going there, rubbing shoulders with some great players, it will be great for us. We will not go easy on them. It's a proper game for us. We will get stuck in, believe me. The crowd will expect a game. They will want entertainment, it will be competitive.”

Goalkeeper Kapini also had words to say to the Daily Mail about Frank Lampard’s penalty taking.

"If there’s a penalty, I hope Lampard takes it. I always know when he takes a penalty where it is going."

Someone please tell me these quotes are just bravado.

The game kicks off at 3pm UK time.

World Cup opportunity beckons for Gerrard

Back in February I raised the question of Rio Ferdinand’s fitness and his continuing injury problems, asking “how long can this go on?”. Well now we have our answer.

At the time it seemed to me that someone who hardly played and was the subject of much speculation about his ability to play more than three games before breaking down deserved some serious scrutiny before the job of England captain became his.

I also reiterated my belief that the job should have gone to Steven Gerrard three or four years ago, before his “drive and determination” were “blunted by age and disillusionment”. He was, of course, ignored in favour of defenders Terry and then Ferdinand.

There is some history behind this decision. Gerrard’s detractors claim he has never really performed for England since Germany were destroyed in Munich in 2001.

He was unlucky to miss out in 2002, and his nervously misplaced back pass during the 2004 European Championships led to France’s winning goal in a group game England should have won.

That said, he bounced back to score against Switzerland in the same tournament and was England’s top scorer in Germany in 2006 with two goals.

Gerrard contributed three goals in England’s successful World Cup qualification run, one in Belarus and two in the crushing 5 – 1 victory over Croatia.

Gerrard also has an excellent relationship with Wayne Rooney. Watching them bear down on defences is still an awesome sight.

Still, 16 goals from 80 caps seems a meagre haul for such a player. Perhaps that’s the problem now. So much talent, so little to show for it on the international stage.

Over to you, Stevie G.

Profile of England 2010 World Cup star in New York Times

Wayne Rooney is the subject of an interesting article which was published in the New York Times yesterday. Given the US and England meet in nine days time, the content is fascinating. It’s almost as if the writer wanted to praise Rooney but couldn’t resist some well timed digs at his on and off field activities.

Jere Longman’s Raging Bull All Grown Up and Leading the English has more than its fair share of references to tattoos, a “petulant, hot-headed youth”, his temper, “visits to prostitutes as a teenager; libelous tabloid accusations (for which he won a lawsuit in 2006) that he had slapped his wife, Coleen (then his fiancée), in a nightclub; or reports of gambling losses that surpassed $1 million in one spree”.

We even learn that the “chunky, meaty faced... son of a Liverpool family of amateur boxers” is “worn out”. That’s according to Landon Donovan, the American midfielder who had the chance to observe Rooney at close quarters while playing for, erm, Everton.

Of course there is the obligatory praise as well.

“Rooney is an incessant worker, deceptively fast on the ball, instinctual in finding a sliver of space, solid in the air, able to shoot from anywhere and increasingly smarter about his runs into the box.”

The article also quotes Rooney’s club manager on the player’s development: “You have to wait until their mid-20s before they get that authority, timing, the maturity, to do things that those qualities bring. This season, he accepted the fact that to get the best out of himself, he had to conserve his energies for the best part of the pitch — the penalty box area.”

Then towards the end I noticed this: “Perhaps none of the World Cup contenders are as dependent on one player as England is on Rooney.”

So there you have it; England is a one-man team. I thought this was leading somewhere, but I wasn't quite sure where until now. Let’s hope they disprove this point in Rustenberg on June 12th.

Raging Bull All Grown Up and Leading the English

Reflections on the England – Japan friendly

England's final World Cup friendly ended in a 2 - 1 victory. Here are my thoughts and the reaction of the UK press.

World Cup 2010 group-by-group review with a twist

In March this year I posted a response to an article by Ryan Thies of the Long Beach Post (California).

Ryan had a problem with England and wasn’t shy about expressing his opinions in a forthright manner.

“Why USA Soccer Fans Need To Start Hating England” pulled no punches. John Terry’s infidelities, the England team’s parade of divers and cheats, English fans and their jingoistic hypocrisy, Princess Diana: few escaped his wrath.

Well he’s at it again, only this time England isn’t the only team in Ryan’s sights.

I read the original article, quickly decided Ryan was trying to be provocative, and penned a response which said the article had rekindled my faith in the land of Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks and Saturday Night Live.

Then, in true World Cup competitive spirit, my response was equally forthright and insulting. You know the sort of thing, references to my surprise at the US having to play in the group stages, as they only usually turn up when most of the hard work is over, this absurd habit of calling the US team the USMNT (United States Men’s National Team) etcetc. All characteristically playful, as you would expect.

Ryan has since replied to tell me he thought the comparisons I drew between him, Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce were, as he put it, “hyperbolic”. I’m quite pleased by that, because most people use a different spelling of the world “bolic” to describe my writing.

He also wanted to flag up his latest project, a World Cup group-by-group review with a twist – the twist being Ryan sticks the knife into most of the 32 participating teams. Don’t take it too seriously; he’s only winding you up...

http://www.lbpost.com/sports/general/9780

Reflections on the England - Mexico friendly

3 - 1 flattered England for a while but was fully deserved in the end as Mexico faded in the second half.

Playing against a side which is comfortable in possession and capable of breaking at speed is valuable preparation for any tournament.

Gerrard is better in the centre than out on the wing. Rooney also prefers him in this position.

Glen Johnson would make an excellent midfielder. Strong in the tackle, he's also not afraid to run at defenders. What a goal!

If World Cups were won by 'impact players', England could book the homecoming parade today.

Although not at his best in an unfamiliar anchor role James Milner is on the plane to South Africa. Michael Carrick may be sweating about his squad place now.

Presuming both sides match each other's group stage record and win in the last 16, I'll take Mexico in the quarter finals right now.

World Cup survey of fans gets low marks

I’ve just spotted the results of a survey conducted by a company described as “the exclusive Financial Services partner for all FIFA events”. Apparently this global brand thought talking to fans in the United Arab Emirates about the World Cup would be a convincing marketing ploy. Here are some of their findings.

More than one third of UAE football fans polled predict Brazil will be victorious this year. 16% tipped Argentina to take the top spot, with 11% favouring Spain.

A third of UAE football fans believe a Middle East team will win the World Cup in their lifetime.

UAE football fans are also confident that the FIFA World Cup will be hosted by a Middle Eastern country in the next twenty years with 40% believing that this is definitely likely, and 50% viewing it as probable.

The UAE was also tipped to be the most likely Middle Eastern country to host the World Cup according to 74% of respondents.

15% thought that Qatar would play host in the future followed by 7% who predicted that Saudi Arabia would be the first Middle Eastern country to become a host nation.

Finally, “the most memorable moment in FIFA World Cup history”, as voted for by UAE football fans, “was Maradonas (sic) famous game, as voted by 17% of respondents. This was closely followed by the infamous head-butt by Zinedine Zidane (15%) and the 2006 win by Brazil (11%).”

I really don’t know where to start here.

Maradona’s famous game: I presume this is a reference to the 2 – 1 quarter final victory over England. Let’s forget his other performances and concentrate on the infamous stuff, eh? Speaking as a football fan Maradona’s second goal against England was more than “memorable”; it was breathtaking. He went on to set up the decisive goal in the final with an inch-perfect pass. That was memorable. Besides, a “game” isn’t a “moment”.

Zidane’s head-butt: I’m starting to see a pattern here.

The 2006 win by Brazil: I’m lost for words.

So here’s the state of play – if the UAE ever hosts a World Cup, the locals will want it to be packed full of dodgy handballs and physical violence, because that’s all they can remember. The name of the winning team will also need to be written in prominent places so every UAE resident can see it four years later.

“The exclusive Financial Services partner for all FIFA events” will “continue to hold these global rights to all FIFA World Cup events up until 2014”. Let’s hope this gives them enough time to revamp their research department and avoid this kind of schoolboy nonsense.

It's the last 16 in the World Cup - who should England try to avoid?

Imagine England are about to advance from Group C in first or second position. Whatever happens, Capello's men will still face a tough last 16 clash. Using the power of predictions it's time to look at who England might face and who is best avoided from Group D.

Analysing the 2010 World Cup provisional squad lists

I’ve just been looking through the entire provisional squad lists (yes, they have to do it all again by the June 1st deadline) and spotted some unusual facts and figures. Hope you don’t mind me sharing them with you.

Carragher to play for England at World Cup 2010?

I don’t think anyone saw this coming – Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher could be on the verge of a return to the international scene just in time for World Cup 2010 in South Africa.

Where are the World Cup 2010 celebrity endorsements for England?

Top sporting celebs are getting behind South Africa as the World Cup approaches. Can we look forward to English celebrities doing likewise?

'World Cup Street' to start in June

A unique experiment in broadcasting is to take place during the 2010 World Cup. An entire street of 1966 England World Cup fans and their families goes 'live' during the tournament, giving the modern generation a taste of what life was really like in the Swinging Sixties.

Modelled on 'Blitz Street', the C4 programme which built a 1940s street and then bombed it back to the Stone Age, 'World Cup Street' features reconstructions of life in a typical English street throughout July 1966.

Tony Robinson of Time Team guides viewers through the ninety-minute episodes, each one focusing on England's group and knock out matches in the run up to the memorable final.

Highlights include the episode in which the Atkins family fall out because the baby has colic and Dad can't follow the commentary on the Argentina game.

Don't miss the episode where the local loner has one too many Stouts in the pub and picks a fight with a lamppost on the way home.

And of course there's the final itself, when everyone gets together in the street for a party during which a new family from what older residents of 'World Cup Street' call 'The Empire' is repeatedly snubbed.

'World Cup Street' also features men with handkerchiefs tied to their heads, policemen allo-alloing, two gangster brothers breaking heads, and hushed conversations about birth control.

It was a gentler, more innocent age. Find out for yourself when 'World Cup Street' starts on Channel 4 at 9pm on June 12th and continues until July 11th.

England fans shouting “Cabanga” - somehow I can’t see it

There are plenty of unusual World Cup 2010 stories doing the rounds at the moment but one caught my eye this week and I can’t resist commenting on it. The story involves supposed experts in sports performance choosing a word which they believe can inspire England to glory in South Africa.