Psychic predicts World Cup misery for England

From Suffolk comes the World Cup news England fans have been dreading. A psychic says the Three Lions won’t win the tournament in South Africa this summer. She also has lots to say on a range of topics but in an unsurprisingly general way. Let’s have a closer look.

According to Ipswich’s Evening Star, medium Miss Knock has been a psychic for 30 years. This body of experience means she can dismiss England’s chances and predict Ghana will win the World Cup.

Of course England and Germany will start well before fading, as will France and Italy. There is no mention of Spain or Brazil. I thought she had something, but now I’m sceptical.

The most perplexing aspect of this article is the possible highlights of the year list. It isn’t clear whether these are the work of Miss Knock or the journalist writing the story:

A Royal birth (although we don’t know in which country)

A major volcano eruption (depends what you mean by ‘major’)

Earthquakes in northern England which will be felt in Suffolk (we live on a small island and the effects of earthquakes tend to be felt across large parts of the country)

A nice hot summer (in the Med)

Conservatives will win the General Election (but will it be by a landslide or a narrow margin?)

The only two “predictions” which could prove Miss Knock’s psychic powers if they occur are “A huge row over the axing of a popular TV star over their age” and “A terrorist alert at the Port of Felixstowe connected with a chemical”. The rest is so general as to be virtually meaningless. I’ll believe her when she uses her powers of prediction to win the lottery or offers documentary evidence that she has put her life savings on Ghana to win in South Africa.

The comments below the article from Evening Star readers are just as entertaining, although they don’t take themselves as seriously as Miss Knock does.

So you know, for entertainment’s sake I had a look around for evidence of other psychics willing to offer their thoughts on the World Cup. They are a surprisingly reticent bunch. Nobody else is predicting who will win in South Africa, which is disappointing. The good news is that some contributors to this Yahoo! forum are clearly unhinged. Enjoy.

While we’re on the subject of forums, I’ve discovered the “USA vs. England World Cup South Africa My Space” page. “We're going to win dat thing!” says one contributor, thanks in part to a Tim Howard penalty. I’ll keep an eye on this forum for similarly stupid entries.

And three of the host’s stadiums will be put through their paces this weekend. We’re getting closer. Find out more here.