England group matches not on 3D – so what?

So England’s games against the US, Algeria and Slovenia won’t be shown on 3D in UK pubs. It seems the only places England fans will be able to put on old-style NHS sunglasses and look like dorks are designated cinemas and fan entertainment areas. Is this really such a bad thing? Does anyone really want to stand up in a pub wearing dark sunglasses?

I’ve gone on record before about my opposition to this latest development in the drive to give fans the almost but not quite there experience. I don’t care how authentic the experience feels, or how much money Sony and FIFA pump into marketing this nonsense, or how much of a supposed thrill you might or not get from seeing one of Peter Crouch’s long legs stretch out from the screen and brush past your nose, you can’t replicate the intense feeling of actually attending a game when there is every chance some drunken idiot who hasn’t seen one in years but was attracted to the game by a crowd and because he’s a drunken idiot will turn to you and say “These glasses are great but I keep bumping my knees into tables (hic).”

In fact I hope none of England’s games are shown on 3D. Why? Take a look at this picture (courtesy of Metro).

Are this lot even watching a real game or have a bunch of mostly young blokes with nothing better to do been persuaded to shake their fists in exchange for free beer? Why are some cheering fanatically whilst others look as if something has just happened but they weren’t really paying attention at the time and missed it? One bloke has even turned away, suggesting he didn’t want to be photographed looking like an idiot, while the woman at the front is tilting her head in a sympathetic manner reminiscent of a conversation with a friend who’s just been dumped, not someone seeing a goal scored.

It’s all so false and I hope the whole ridiculous experiment falls on its arse as punters refuse to put on the sunglasses and immerse themselves in the latest football watching experience tool. They should watch the matches on laptops instead. Oh hang on, I don’t like that idea either. I suppose that just leaves actually watching the game on a big screen without the aid of 3D glasses. It seems to have worked quite well in the past.