Let’s look at the BBC’s plans first. Anchor and top grinner Gary Lineker is to present coverage of matches live from the BBC's studio in Cape Town in the company of dour Alan Hansen, Alan "very much so" Shearer and Lee "oh shut up" Dixon.
Jurgen Klinsmann will be on hand to analyse the latest dive, while Clarence Seedorf, Emmanuel Adebayor and Gordon Strachan will pop in occasionally to offer their thoughts. The latter is expected to punch someone once we reach the knock out games.
Commentary assistance will come from the parade of dullards that is Mark Lawrenson, Mark Bright, Mick McCarthy and Martin Keown.
The excellent Colin Murray, recently unveiled as the new presenter of Match of the Day 2, will present the daily BBC 2 World Cup highlights show daily at 10pm.
Meanwhile, BBC Radio 5 Live will offer over 250 hours of programming in the company of Graham Taylor, David Moyes, Robbie Savage, Chris Waddle and Danny Mills. Thank God for Chris Waddle, is all I can say.
BBC Sport also has a dedicated World Cup website - www.bbc.co.uk/worldcup -and a bus ready to travel around South Africa visiting everything from “townships and social projects to sites of cultural and historic significance,” according to the BBC website.
Fans of the BBC Red Button can look forward to enjoying rolling highlights and alternative commentary options.
End-of-group matches are to be streamed simultaneously on BBC Red Button and the BBC Sport website.
There will even be “a dedicated England channel, updated daily, with reports and information on England Fabio Capello's men in Rustenberg.”
Viewers can also “watch preview content, including virtually every nation's qualifying campaign and classic archive from previous World Cups.”
It’s an interactive football fest the like of which we’ve probably never seen before – and it leaves me cold. The whole thing could work just as well with just Colin Murray, Chris Waddle and regular archive footage.
Sadly, with a predicted line up of Adrian Chiles, Elton Welsby, Saint & Greavsie, Ron Atkinson and someone who once played two uneventful seasons at left back for Burnt Island Shipyards, ITV won’t do much better. How they won the right to show any games is beyond me. Mind you they have got Gabby Logan, and she’s attractive in an odd sort of way I can’t really explain. So apart from the mysteriously beguiling Logan, ITV are fecked.
By the way, I’m only kidding about Welsby. He’s too busy rehearsing for another Evening with Ricky Tomlinson tour and the next Crown Green Bowls season on Sky Sports.