Early qualifiers for next year Pt 5

Australia

Let’s cut to the chase. Anyone who connives in the use of ridiculous footballing nicknames deserves all the bile they get.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Blue Samurai (Japan) is great, if a little pseudo-pornographic.

In the absence of a witty way to say hallucinogenic cake munching quarter final fodder, Oranjes does for the Dutch.

And who could fail to be impressed by the mighty Les Eperviers (The Sparrowhawks) of Togo? Not me.

However, I draw the line at The Socceroos. If ever a nickname was so false and calculated to make even simpletons puke into a bucket, this surely is it.

First, there are plenty of other animals in Australia which could be appended to the word “soccer”. Koalas spring to mind, as do the grey-headed flying fox and the Sugar Glider (a small arboreal possum which, as its name suggests, can glide between trees).

But my real problem is this. The game we are talking about is “football”, not “soccer”. Get that right and I might take a passing interest in the Flying Footy Foxes next summer.